Apprehension…

I was told by a caregiver about being compelled to have her PwP husband placed into a facility because he got confused and pulled a gun on her. Each PwP has their own unique set of symptoms… But I think I can safely say, I won’t do anything so drastic. There are no guns in the house. 🙂

From Cory King’s blog The Crooked Path posted Feb. 2013

“About 20% of PWPs eventually experience dementia, sometimes as severe as Alzheimer’s dementia.  It’s unclear which PWPs will have problems with dementia, but some of the risk factors include early olfactory disturbances, a presenting symptom of akinesia/bradykinesia instead of tremor, and early onset of postural instability. That unfortunately describes me pretty well, and a recent event raises my level of apprehension even higher.”

“My wife and I have been married for 28 years, and we’re a pretty normal married couple.  In other words, we occasionally get angry with each other, and we’ve had some real knockdown drag-outs over the course of the last three decades. Several weeks ago, however, after a stressful but very enjoyable weekend celebrating my wife’s birthday, we had another argument. The circumstances are relatively unimportant. What is important is that, for the first time that either of us can remember in our entire relationship, I completely lost control. I could actually feel myself spiraling up, and in a strange way I could stand outside of myself and observe how foolish my behavior was, but I was powerless to do anything about it. My wife later told me that I was red in the face, bent over at the waist and hopping up and down, and shrieking.  I said terrible things to her, and she said that she was frightened of me. Rather than thinking about the argument, she said, she just wanted to make sure that I didn’t get between her and the door.”

“That kind of behavior is completely uncharacteristic of me, but that’s the point. Personality changes, including paranoia, rage, and aggression, are early harbingers of later cognitive decline.  My wife sometimes says she can’t tell whether she’s talking to me or talking to Parkinson’s, and we can both take some small measure of comfort from the idea that it really wasn’t me that treated her in such a horrendous manner.  It hasn’t happened again, and it may never happen again.   However, neither one of us will ever be able to forget, and I think what makes me saddest is that I sense that I’ve lost something unrecoverable. Up to now, I’ve occasionally been obnoxious and unreasonable, and have behaved like the south end of a northbound horse, but I’ve never frightened my wife and I have never made her feel unsafe until now. It’s unimportant whether it was me or Parkinson’s, in the same way that it’s unimportant whether or not a dog that bites is responsible for it.  Pragmatically, it’s the bite that’s important, not whether or not the dog carefully considered the pros and cons and thoughtfully accepted responsibility for his behavior.  My sense of regret is enhanced by my knowledge that this disease doesn’t get better.”

“This is about as real as it gets.  I know I probably shouldn’t be ashamed of a disease symptom, but there it is – I am.  I know it’s a little old-school, but I’m supposed to solve problems and make things better, not cause problems and make things worse.  At this point, I typically put on my curly wig and start singing about how the sun will come out tomorrow, how my friends and family are wonderful, and how fortunate I really am.  It will, they are, and I am, but tonight I feel a deep sense of loss.   I’m sick of eating this fried rat.”

……………………….. Cory made this post 7 years ago. The post I intend to share tomorrow, makes no mention of making his wife feel unsafe. I trust he got a handle on his behavior. But it is very revealing on how Cory’s Parkinson’s has progressed.

Author: suerosier

In May of 2018, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. After researching, I believe the symptoms began to manifest themselves years prior to last year. The purpose for my blog is to share what I have learned (with an index) to save others time as they seek for answers about, symptoms, therapies [and alternative things to try], tools I use, Parkinsonisms, recipes, strategies, clinical studies, words of encouragement or just enjoy the photos or humor.

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